What's my excuse? I'm exhausted.

I have seen that picture over and over online. You know the one, with the mother of 3 kids showing off her muscular body, asking what our excuses are for not looking like her. I've tried to ignore it, and then I really started thinking about it. Society shove images of these women in our faces, telling us that we must look like them to be beautiful. Most people do not look like those women, yet I still believe they Re beautiful. These women work hard at their jobs, then come home and take care of their family instead of pawning them off onto a nanny. It is a beautiful thing to take care of your children. Of course there are the women that society tells us are beautiful among us "lesser" women. Quite a few of them have such a nasty personality that it is hard to see past their rotten core. Of course not all of them are like this, I know some stunningly beautiful people who are even more beautiful inside.

I've done a lot of thinking, and I know what my excuse is. I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I do what I can, when I can, and that is good enough for me. I'm up everyday at 7 to get myself ready for work. When I'm ready I wake my four kids up, and get the older three ready for school. Then I drop off my son, and drop off my kids at school. We are out of district so they can not be bussed, we live about 3 miles away from school and there would be three major streets to cross without guards, plus a railroad, and I don't quite trust society to leave my kids alone so they can make it to school. I have to wait until 8:45 to drop the kids off, then I head over to work. I have to be there at 9 am, and with no traffic, the time it takes to get from the school to work is 20 minutes, so I have to shave 5 minutes off and deal with traffic, otherwise I'm late. And I'm usually late.

I can not make mistakes at work, or people can die. I have to put up with people who have absolutely no respect for other humans. I have to fight with bit he nurses, and assholes doctors, and angry customers after their doctor's office lies to them. I have learned to really appreciate nurses and doctors who know how to handle themselves professionally. Those of you who do, I sincerely appreciate it. When 6 pm rolls around, I have to drag myself to my car, my varicose veins on my legs throbbing the whole way. I pick up my kids, and I get home around 7. Then I get to make dinner while helping with homework and listening to the dramas of who is friends with who at school, and giving my kids as much time as I possibly can without burning the food. While my kids sit and eat, I am taking bites between cleaning up after dinner and switching the laundry. When dinner is all said and done, it is about 9 pm and time to get the kids in bed. So we do our bedtime routine, and at 10 the kids are down, and it is just me. Now I get to pick up all the toys that were gotten out, more laundry, more dishes. After I'm done with that, I have to decide if my muscle spasms in my hips and lower back are enough to keep me from finishing my chores. Usually not, but sometimes I do have to sit down for a bit until I can get the pain under control. As I'm cleaning, I have to be careful because I have a painful csection scat since it decided to adhere to things it isn't supposed to. By the time I'm done with it all, it is about 11:30, sometimes midnight. At that hour of the day, my legs are screaming at me because they hurt so much, my feet are numb, and my hips are clicking and catching so much that even if I had time to work out, I would probably collapse if I put any strain on them.

So that is my excuse. I don't care if it isn't good enough for you, but it is more than enough for me. If you're going to judge me because I don't have rock solid abs after having four kids, you can do one of the following:

1. Pay for my medical bills so I can get the physical therapy I need to fix my hips, and the plastic surgery I needs to remove the painful scar tissue.

2. Pay for a personal chef to cook dinner for my family so I can work out while dinner is being prepared.

3. Hire a nanny so I can have "me time" whenever I want.

4. Hire a tutor for my kids so I don't have to help with their homework.

(please note that 2, 3, and 4 can all be the same person if they are qualified)

5. Pay my bills so I don't have to work, or so I only have to work part time

If you are not willing to do any of the above, you may choose option 6.

6. F#c$ off.

I might not have a perfect body, but that doesn't mean I sit around and do nothing all day.

The return

Last year I told you about how I was losing weight and planned on being at my goal weight by the time I turned 30. Sadly, that didn't come to pass. This spring I suffered an injury that kept me immobile for 2 weeks, and up until about a month ago, it still hurt to do anything strenuous. I did meet my halfway mark, but due to not moving and eating crap for 4 months, I gained 20 pounds back. I've lost some of it, but I also lost my motivation.

I'm ready to get serious again. I have 80 pounds to lose before I'm happy, and 100 until I'm healthy. Some friends and I are planning to do a tough mudder event in 2014, and I plan on finishing the course. Starting July 1, I am back on the healthy bandwagon, and I will give it all I've got. My goal is a10 pound loss per month, which breaks down to about 2.5 pounds per week. I'm also going to try to blog my success about once a week, including pictures. Pictures are a major motivation for me, to see how far I've come. I'm not looking forward to July, but August should be a lot easier for me.

As an extra incentive to help me, I'm also planning "rewards" every month to help me reach my goals. My July reward will be a treadmill, for August, a trip to the beach. A friend is getting married in Portland and if I complete my goal I will take an extra day and head to Astoria. Sept will probably be new work clothes to replace the ones that will hopefully be too big, and Oct I will allow myself to splurge on a cute Halloween costume. Nov will be a tattoo for reaching my new "halfway-to-healthy-weight" milestone, and dec I'm not sure yet. January's reward will be a new computer, and feb will be a new wardrobe. March, I'm hoping to take a vacation to arches national park to go on the trails I couldn't last year, and to take some amazing pictures at sunrise and sunset. April will be my last month if everything goes right. For April, I will get another tattoo, expand my wardrobe, and start saving for cosmetic surgery. I have scar tissue from my csections that is attaching to my internal organs and it causes me a great deal of pain daily. The only option is surgery, and if I'm going to be going in for surgery, I might as well have them do a tummy tuck while they're at it. I might continue to May if I want to lose another 10 pounds and be on the lower side of healthy, but I will decide when I get there.

I'm also going to build up my stomach muscles to have a 6 pak, something I've always wanted. :) I've got a long way to go, and looking ahead is scary. But I've come a long way, and I know I can do it!